“When I felt secure, I said, ‘I will never be shaken.’” Psalm 30:6 haaaaaa… right!
“I am SOOOOO sorry!” It was all I could think and say… after feeling like a failure! It’d been 2 weeks since Ian stormed through here, and folks are on edge. But me? “Oh, I’m fine!” Yesterday, my head swarmed with things to do, people to talk to, LED sign messages to create, a church and a lesson to prepare for Bible Study. I thought, “Yup! I’m ready!” And last night, during the lesson, I crashed!
The idea was a good one, suggested by a church member… ‘How to share The Gospel with people in our world.’ While pulling resources, writing notes and even coming up with a fun activity, distractions came and I didn’t even notice my brain had stalled. At the last minute, the printer didn’t work, the choir song was terrible and a surprise phone call took longer. Then I fell into a hole.
To say ‘things didn’t go according to plan’ is an understatement. Having been a Bible teacher for over 50 years, I think I have it down. ‘Holy Spirit Inspiration, Bible study, creative strategy while following God’s lead’ usually comes naturally. Having run at high speed trying to take care of so many things, I’m ashamed to admit that the macho guy got ahead of God… God stopped and watched me crash!
The Psalms have always been the place to run when I am feeling out of sorts. Strange that I hadn’t noticed I’d been reading them for the last week. What should have been a clue to my personal mental state, I took for ideas to encourage others in this storm torn paradise. Last night I had to admit it. I’m a mess! I have hit a wall and I can’t go on like this any more. A lesson from David!
Katie told me years ago that I have a heart like David. David was a warrior and a man of Faith. But David was MOST often a WHACK job! If he wasn’t running toward some trouble, he was running from it! And His notes reveal he was almost schizophrenic in his emotions… up then down! But he wasn’t afraid to fall apart and cry out to God when he did! But God ALWAYS heard David.
I don’t want to sound a downer or a failure. Rather I feel like God has placed His hand on my heart, telling me to stop and let HIM be the fixer. My security, strength and peace are ONLY going to be found IN HIM! Even when I think ‘I’ve got this!’ I’m reminded by failure that He doesn’t call me to be a Super-man! He calls me to be Humbly HIS! As Forrest Gump said after a run, ‘I think I’ll stop now!’
Are YOU running on empty trying to save the world? Why not join David and me in running to God, letting go and letting HIM be Him? I thank my Church people for their patience with me.
