“Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from Him.” Psalm 62:5

I should have been sleeping… but now I was wide awake. My body should have been at rest… but my guts were a raging fire. I should have been smart… but the consequence that crept into the room was now convulsing at my own stupidity. My mind joined my soul, shaking their bowed head in shame and wonder. I had done it… AGAIN!???

Acid indigestion is a common problem for me. That I inherited GERD from my dad is a great excuse… but like, “the dog ate my homework,” not really a good one. Normal people don’t normally go around hitting themselves with hammers. But that, in essence, is what I do! I had eaten too much at dinner, then ice cream just before bed seemed like a pretty good idea! Before I allowed logic and history to shake hands, I had grabbed the container from the freezer and dug in! “Who needs a bowl,” I thought! Now, It was 1am and my stomach was in flames!

I am my own science experiment. I realize that at my age I should be, do and act a WHOLE lot smarter than I am. Unfortunately, I often live life swinging somewhere between the ages of 11 and 18! When the consequences hit, I slide backward to age 2. I want what I want, when I want, how I want it… WITH extra scoops! Shame and discomfort, 2 natural and good emotions meant to keep me from further harm, lay like sleeping dogs in the corner thinking, “why bark, the idiot won’t pay attention anyway!”

Please forgive my whining. I know this story doesn’t apply to you. I’m the guy that people like you laugh about when you get together. I’m ‘the perfect bad example.’ To be honest, I even frustrate ME! Then I remember the words of Apostle Paul (I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. Romans 7:15). Then I think about David (the adulterous, murdering, ‘man after God’s own heart’). But them I actually begin feel BETTER about myself! Which then makes me think, ‘at least I’m not THAT bad!’ Which naturally leads to… “Oh boy, let’s do that again!” and, “Where’s the baking soda???”

Psalm 62 is one of my favorites. It is all about resting in God in the face of bad choices. The beauty of God’s strength and love leap from the page and into my heart, giving me hope. Until the very last verse. “Also to you, Lord, belongs gracious love, because you reward each person according to what he does.” And I freak!

Almost EVERY Bible translation I found says that God will reward each person according to his work! Which kind of leaves me stuck in the desert of no man’s land. Then I got a nudge from Him. “K.C., Reward, not punishment, comes from the work that HE, MY SON JESUS, has done. THAT is how big and strong my love is! It is BIGGER than your age, deeds, thoughts, heart and impulse control. Please try to remember… this is NOT about YOU! It is about my son Jesus!” “uhhhhhhhh o.k.”was my only response.

What a joy to be reminded that God is bigger than EVERYTHING! Which reminds me of a song! God on the Mountain by Lynda Randle