“How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul, with sorrow in my heart every day? How long will my enemy have the upper hand?” Psalm 13:2 NLT

Moving slightly faster than the speed of traffic, I noted the light about half a mile ahead… AND the one after it. Utilizing my ‘superior to monkey’ brain skills, I calculated the timing and KNEW I was going to hit the first red light for 1.7 minutes and the next one for 3! If I made a right … NOW … I could take a little shortcut and utilize the eastbound light and save 2 minutes. Which I did! Which is crazy! Because I had absolutely NO where I HAD to BE in 2 minutes!

Elvis wrote a song with the lyrics, “We’re caught in a trap, I can’t walk out…” I can see how the ‘we’ and ‘I’ apply because when it comes to my red light mania, my wife knows I’m a psycho! It has been said that wherever you go, there you are! Which is true. But SOMETIMES… my wife is trapped WITH me! You see… HER crazy is ME!

I have mentally calculated my expenditure for gasoline and can see that rushing ahead to save 2 minutes actually costs me MORE money than sitting and waiting at the red light! But realizing that there is a monetary cost to my mental state has not diminished my behavior. Every addict KNOWS what is wrong with them!! How to get FIXED is another matter! But I am beginning to sense that God has a plan for me… because I am getting tired! I am beginning to get the sense that… He has me right where He wants me!

I have never learned to simply sit still and control my inner being very well. I am either running or resting. When I am thinking, I am running in my head. Which is often a painful trip because of where my mind likes to run! I know there are supposedly drugs for that! But at 63, I have no interest in drugs for ADD. Besides… its too late now and I now my condition isn’t one that can be fixed like a headache! THIS is going to take a power superior to my own!

I am not writing this stuff for anyone but me. Lord knows I am not trying to change the world! I am just trying to get a handle on MINE! I’d LOVE to get to the point where my head rests still and doesn’t run ahead of me to a crazy place! The advice I give to others is not always what I take myself! But I KNOW that to ‘give up’ something I must also ‘take on’ something as a replacement….

O…O…O….! I believe I may on to something…Did  I just sense that that my Heavenly Father just uncrossed His arms! And… OHHHHHHH! Is that a smile I can see…. starting to break out on His face?    Hmmm!   MAYBE!!!!!!!!!!!